I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
