pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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