My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
