Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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