how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
