I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
