Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
