my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
