please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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