Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
