I'm going to jail i love you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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