Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize