i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
