sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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