Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
