Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
