I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
