I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
