come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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