I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
