Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
