I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
