i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
