Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I want is dick and wine.
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