Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize