I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
