3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
