Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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