who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
