I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
