It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
