is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
