hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
