I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
