My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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