Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
