don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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