a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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