I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My dick has a subreddit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
