i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
