do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
