I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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