I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
