perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
