hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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