I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
