The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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