R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
