Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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