um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
