doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
