That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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