Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
