do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
