I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
