They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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