Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
