Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
