I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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