I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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