its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
