failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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