yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You left your phone here
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