Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
