I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
