I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
