Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
