...so i touched it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
