sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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