guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
