you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize