false alarm. still invincible.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
