Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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