friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize