i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
did i just pee glitter
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