Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize