Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's paint friendship bongs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
