I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
