Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
