we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
