I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its liver damage thursday
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
