remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
