wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
