No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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