the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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