Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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