Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Houston, we have a blender
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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