I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
