I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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